fundamentally the Practices of our Projects.
They are at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Outsourcers to compleat the works of implementation, maintenance and CMMI Level 5 certification already begun with circumstances of Cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized organization.
They have excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and have endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Process Police, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all unit tests, information radiators and pair programming workstations.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Formal High Priesthood brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the Agile Developers, in Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by the Authority of the good People of these Projects, solemnly publish and declare, That these Agile Practices are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent Methods, and that government of the developers, by the developers, for the business shall not perish from the earth;
And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.
The signers of the Declaration as follows:
(document ripped and illegible after this point)
So far, we have only been able to scan some of the other documents discovered in the same cache. During implementation the new world order seems to have become rather less radical than the first draft document would suggest, for example:
“Prudence, indeed, will indicate that Processes long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and experience hath shewn some previously abolished processes to have more value than was initially perceived.”
Further documents suggest a subsequent rapprochement between members of the Agile and Formal Tribes. These seem to include joint declarations including a "Bill of Rights" and a "Constitution." We are working feverishly to excavate the rest of this obviously important historical archive and hope to be able to publish excerpts at a later date. We welcome help in this important work!
Meanwhile, in latebreaking news we have heard of a new document discovered by our colleague Randy Wagner "Revenge of the SCithM" - more when we know it.
When not researching in dusty archives: