Peer-to-Peer Feedback

[article]

So What Happened with the Nose-Picker?
I advised the developer to have a private conversation with the offending team member. "Give him the benefit of the doubt," I said. "What if he's unaware he's picking his nose? It may be an automatic habit. And even if he's aware he's picking his nose, he may not be aware of how if affects you and other people on the team."

The developer agreed reluctantly, and we worked out a little script. Here's what he decided to say to his nose-picking colleague:

"Joe, this is really awkward for me. I want to tell you about something that you do that's a problem for me."

[Pause]

"I've noticed that during our team meetings, you pick your nose."

[Pause and wait for a response. This may be all you need to say.]

"I have some judgments about nose-picking. I was brought up that it's not appropriate. When I see you picking your nose, I feel worried about you spreading germs. My reaction is getting in the way of our working together."

[Pause and wait for a response. This may do it.]

"Would you please stop picking your nose while we're working together?"

The next week, he reported back.

"You'll never guess what happened," he said. "You were right, he wasn't even aware he was picking his nose. But it was really awkward," he continued. "He was embarrassed but he was also grateful I told him. I guess I shouldn't have waited so long."

It is hard to address interpersonal and work issues directly—even when the issues aren't as awkward as someone picking his nose. Respectful feedback can improve working relationships. And handling issues directly keeps little irritations from growing into major divisions.

About the author

Esther Derby's picture Esther Derby

A regular StickyMinds.com and Better Software magazine contributor, Esther Derby is one of the rare breed of consultants who blends the technical issues and managerial issues with the people-side issues. She is well known for helping teams grow to new levels of productivity. Project retrospectives and project assessments are two of Esther's key practices that serve as effective tools to start a team's transformation. Recognized as one of the world's leaders in retrospective facilitation, she often receives requests asking her to work with struggling teams. Esther is one of the founders of the AYE Conference. She co-author of Agile Retrospectives: Making Good Teams Great. She has presented at STAREAST, STARWEST and the Better Software Conference & EXPO. You can read more of Esther's musings on the wonderful world of software at www.estherderby.com and on her weblog at www.estherderby.com/weblog/blogger.html. Her email is derby@estherderby.com.

AgileConnection is one of the growing communities of the TechWell network.

Featuring fresh, insightful stories, TechWell.com is the place to go for what is happening in software development and delivery.  Join the conversation now!

Upcoming Events

May 04
May 04
May 04
Jun 01