People who cannot manage themselves should not manage others. End of discussion. Threats of physical harm, retribution, and personal attacks are never acceptable, so why do so many people have to deal with verbal abuse in the workplace? In this week's column, Esther Derby offers some sensible strategies for dealing with a scurrilous superior.
Not too long ago, I had lunch with my friend Sarah. I hadn't seen her in a while, so I was surprised when she mentioned that she was leaving the company she has been with for almost ten years. The developers, testers, and other managers at this company respect her, and she loves what she does. Her workplace sounds ideal. So, why is Sarah leaving?
Sarah isn't leaving for a more prestigious position or a higher salary; her boss is driving her out the door. Sarah's manager blows up when things don't go the way he wants them to, and she has had enough. "I'm tired of being screamed at," Sarah said. "Life is too short."
Sarah's not the only one who has had to deal with a hostile boss. According to an article in American Way , "42% of US workers reported incidents of yelling and verbal abuse in their workplace." While some people may feel they have to accept abusive behavior from bosses in order to keep their job, I agree with Sarah: Life is too short.
The Costs of Yelling and Verbal Abuse
Some people I talk to dismiss my concerns about workplace abuse. They tell me I'm too sensitive. "It's just Frank," they say. "He blows up, and then it blows over. Nobody takes it seriously." But there are costs.
People who work for abusive managers often have stress-related problems and illnesses. They miss work due to symptoms, and they are less productive when they are at work. Their energy isn't going into building software; it's going into dealing with the emotional fallout of their manager's behavior.
Yellers also drive attrition - turnover is higher, and it's harder to entice internal candidates to work for a manager who has a reputation for outbursts and abuse. Many people would rather walk out the door than work for an abusive boss. The people who do stay may feel trapped by the job market or their own beaten-down self-esteem. People who feel trapped or beaten-down are not productive workers.
In my experience, abusive managers fall into three categories. How you handle the situation depends on which kind of screamer you're up against.
The Unaware Manager
Strange as it may seem, I've actually met managers who were not even aware they were yelling. Some people come from families where yelling is part of their "normal" communication. They see yelling as expressive, not aggressive. They may not be aware of the effect their yelling has on other people.
The Crack-the-Whip Manager
Some managers believe that people are basically lazy and will not work without coercion and threats of punishment. This view is called "Theory X" management. I don't hear many developers or testers say, "I work better when I'm a little afraid. If my boss didn't threaten me, I'd never get a thing done!" But some managers believe that this is the case. People who hold this view see yelling and threats as appropriate management action.
The Out-of-Control Manager
Some people are not able to manage their emotions and responses. These are the bosses that react disproportionately, blow up, vent, swear (we're not talking the occasional "Oh, %#@!"),and generally fly off the handle.
What You Can Do
If your manager is the Out-of-Control variety, you may have to take a strong stance against the abuse.
When your manager becomes abusive, stand up, state that you will not tolerate verbal abuse, and leave the room. Go to HR and file a formal complaint. Keep in mind that HR's job is to protect the company's interests, not yours. In my experience, the higher